i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm like, not good at living.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
