Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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