This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
