I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
