i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
