i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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