So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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