I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
