Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
