Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
