My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
