Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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