you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
