Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
