Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
