Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Randomize
