I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
