Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
