I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
