I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
