I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
