Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
