im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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