she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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