No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
