well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
