I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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