I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
thus making me awesome and them whores
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
