I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
