Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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