why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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