If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize