I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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