im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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