i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
