i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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