Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
This baby is an asshole
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
did you just send me my own nude
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
