Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
