I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
