Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
