I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
