this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
