Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize