Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
