Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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