so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
