PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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