My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I need moral support for this bender
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
