JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
