Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
