i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
