You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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