people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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