Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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