is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
