what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
