i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
