Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
