There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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