I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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