My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
