my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
