That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
