there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
