Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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