i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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