I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
