me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
