I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
