tell your sister to shave her snatch
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
