lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
