even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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